A young, university student came to the renowned Jewish rabbi and philosopher Abraham Heschel. He was complaining about religious confusion and doubts about God's existence. He grew up in a family full of faith. He had attended synagogue regularly, read scriptures daily, and had been very pious. Now, the young man's religious life had waned considerably, and much doubt haunted him. He shared with Rabbi Heschel his pain about the doubts and how he could no longer find the God of his youth. The rabbi asked the young man: "And what makes you think that God wanted your former peace but does not want your present pain?"

Faith, for me, is not a belief system, but an ever-changing, sometimes confusing, relationship. This means faith is a process, and one that undergoes death after death, with a resurrection, or transformation, simply one with the death. I could say "I am being faithed," and that is more accurate than saying "I have faith." I prefer the joy of exploring and living in fellowship with an ever-unfolding Mystery, rather than living inside a staid box of comfortable and comforting certainties. I prefer the ambiguities and paradoxes of this seducing, elusive Beauty to the consolations of creeds and confessions. I prefer the uncertain, baffling play of Grace, which both attracts and defies the captivating grasp of mental reasoning, to the servitude of agreement to self-proclaimed experts on "God," be they religious institutions or persons, who want to give me a package of the so-called right answers. I could simply say "I choose Love over belief, and a faith that includes gladly doubt and confusion over a sedate, dying ideology that parades an inauthentic certitude, while discouraging sincere, devout questions and those who place Truth above time-honored propositions that reduce Truth to truths." I cherish those who have helped me learn the holiness of doubting due to my love of Grace. I am not a believer, I am a Lover - I have always been, and pray always to be.